I was reading the blogs yesterday when I stumbled upon this at Stylemepretty.com:
“Our next real wedding, which is up in lights right now, was sent to us by what might be the world’s most stylish, fabulous bride. And one of those brides that didn’t take her day too seriously, filling it to the brim with THE. MOST. AWESOME. DIY projects a girl could ever wish for.”
I love DIY projects and I love beautiful stories about beautiful weddings, but this is the kind of shit that made me CRAZY. Do you want to know why women go crazy when they are planning a wedding? It’s because of things like this, and by this I mean:
“We had a number of DIY projects — the biggest of which was making the chandeliers for the barn. We bought wood planks from a reclaimed barn, had a woodworker saw holes into them, glued mason jars in, dropped candles into the jars and strung them up with sailor’s rope.“
Other details of this wedding:
- Vintage grain sacks from Austria that they turned into table runners!
- Pillows for the outdoor furniture made out of Ikea curtains!
- A DIY huppah!
- Flip cans on tables so guests could take video!
- A friend who created a “created a custom Muscat-Peach sorbet!”
- Another friend who made an “incredible coconut-passionfruit-blackberry cake!”
- A friend who designed custom invitations complete with wedding logo!
DIY chandeliers. What. The. Fuck? I mean clearly she didn’t take her day too seriously. It just came together between her lunch of hamburgers and cheesy fries and finding out that thing she forgot she wrote is getting published and losing 5 pounds! Right? Right?! *headdesk* *cries vampire tears of blood*
For those of us who want a non-traditional wedding, two things become very clear moments after diving into the world of alternabrides: 1. You should not care! It’s whatevs! Maybe you’ll think about wedding stuff and maybe you won’t cause you’re that laid back, and 2. Everything can and should be beautiful, unique, and effortless!
This creates a never ending vortex of inadequacy and shame. If you go for the packaged wedding (a hall, some standard candles on the table, colored napkins, a DJ) you’re having a gross, boring, commercialized wedding (despite that this is the cheap option). If you want special details and unique touches you pay OUT THE ASS for those things (Wedding Industrial Complex Consumerism wins again!) or you DIY them. So any good indie-bride makes a list of the hundreds of adorable things she’s going to make, but guess what? Those not only also cost money, they take up (so much freaking) time. And now you’re that girl who spends her every waking moment making shit for a wedding! I mean what are you, some kind of girly-girl who is so shallow all she thinks about is her own wedding?! The world doesn’t revolved around you GAAAUD!
I’m really glad this couple had a lovely day, and it does seem really heartfelt and beautiful, but why do we have to introduce the bride as someone who “didn’t take her day too seriously.” I’d say the amount of money (uh…fresh gardenias and lavender everywhere? Tons of wine from local wineries? FLIP CAMS?), time and energy (again, DIY CHANDELIERS?!) are all pretty good evidence that this couple cared a lot. And there isn’t anything wrong with that. But please, let’s stop making the brides who know how hard it is to pull all of this together feel like in addition to making everyone happy, creating the perfect day, looking gorgeous, creating things that look gorgeous, and finding a way to make a party represent their entire past and future as a couple, they have to do it all as an afterthought ’cause their so breezy and well-prioritized.